I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
