as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
