i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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