The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
