Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
