he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
