Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
