she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
