Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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