My hand turned me down
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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