i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Quick, to the slutcave!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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