I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I deserve this hangover.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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