Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
