I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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