I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
