do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
