Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
