he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
