So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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