She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
