how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
