hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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