I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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