I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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