Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
