I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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