12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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