Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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