Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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