I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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