fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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