Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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