Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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