Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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