sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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