I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize