shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
