just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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