I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
