dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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