He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
