and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
