No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
