one might say we're banned from that church
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
