Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize