Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
