Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
