dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
