my vag is so smooth its legendary
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
