roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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