We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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