so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
