In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
