"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
