i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
