Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
