why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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