She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
