hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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