Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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