"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
