this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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