My hair reeks of homosexuality.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
