Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
