You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
